As seen everywhere on the internet
a whole turkey
sage or poultry seasoning
toothpicks, as needed
A SENSE OF HUMOR!
Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.
Make sure turkey is completely thawed. Reach inside cavities and remove
neck and giblets. Save for another recipe. Wash turkey and pat dry.
Next, size up your turkey and use scissors to design a bikini bottom
out of tin foil. Place on turkey. You may need to secure it in place with some toothpicks.
For the bikini top, lay out a piece of tin foil. Use a small juice
glass to draw 2 circles for the bra top, then draw out the straps, cut
and place over turkey breasts. Use toothpicks if needed.
Optionally, you can undo the wings, lift over the turkey neck and tie
together with cooking twine.
Spray a roasting pan liberally with non-stick spray, then place turkey
Make sure the tin foil is smoothed flat on the
Next sprinkle the turkey with SAGE, this will give the turkey great
flavor. Then sprinkle generously with PAPRIKA. This is going to give it
that wonderful golden tan, so don't be skimpy on it. Gently pat the
herbs against the skin, so they stick well.
Use a moist paper towel and gently wipe off excess herbs that have
stuck to the tin foil bikini. (You don't want any herbs under the
Bake turkey in oven. When turkey is past half it's cooking time,
gently, remove the bikini. Continue cooking until done.
Guide to cooking times:
6 to 8 pounds 2-1/2 to 3 hours
8 to 12 pounds 3 to 4 hours
12 to 16 pounds 4 to 5 hours
16 to 20 pounds 5 to 5-1/2 hours
20 to 24 pounds 5-1/2 to 6 hours
If using a meat thermometer, place the meat thermometer in the thickest
part of the thigh, taking care that it does not touch any bone. Roast
the turkey until the meat thermometer reaches 170-180 degrees F.
When turkey is done pull out of oven and let sit 20-30 minutes while
you assemble the rest of the meal, set the table etc. You may wish to
cover turkey with a light foil tent to "hide the surprise bikini".
Use the poultry forks to transfer the turkey to a serving platter. Your
dinner is sure to be a comical hit! Be sure to take LOTS of photos!!
Try to make this turkey "top secret" and surprise the guests!
Every time you check it, tell them it's a top secret recipe and everyone
must leave the kitchen.
Forbid anyone to look in the oven.
Don't forget to take a photo and send them to firstname.lastname@example.org
Happy Thanksgiving from a bunch of Vegetarians
10 hours ago